As I was studying Psalm 73, I was moved by the vulnerability in which Asaph wrote what was on his heart. While we don't know the exact circumstances surrounding this Psalm, we can feel Asaph's pain, confusion, struggle, and finally surrender.

I don’t know about you, but 2020 has been a year of pain, confusion, and struggle for me. I hadn’t had the words to adequately describe what was in my heart until I read Psalm 73.

I would encourage you to read this Psalm, where Asaph put words to his heart’s cry.
I guess you can say this is the 2020 version where I penned mine.
Maybe you can relate and find healing, clarity, and safety in the surrender.

As I look around, I see wickedness everywhere. Leaders both in and out of the church are perpetrating lies. Government officials are keeping us bound in fear. Children are going missing at an alarming rate, and no one seems to care. This virus is destroying more lives than just the ones who are affected by it.

Mental illness is on the rise.
Suicide among our youth is on the rise.
Suicide among our adults is one the rise.
People's livelihoods are gone.
Families are homeless.
Confusion has become our leader.
Division is everywhere.
Hatred is the soundtrack of the year.
Violence is the melody.
And we find ourselves at the end of our rope.

2020 has really opened my eyes to see "the proud prosper despite their wickedness." (Psalm 73:3)

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
Really?
Because I'm struggling to see it.

When I look at the PROUD;
those ruling the world,
the big businesses,
the media tycoons,
the Holywood elite,
the "Oprah-Billionaires,"
the scientists thinking they know how to cure a virus,
the mayors and governors allowing their cities to be destroyed,
the rioters,
the bombers,
the "journalists" . . .

I can't help but think . . . "They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong. They don't have troubles like other people; they're not plagued with problems like everyone else." (Psalm 73:4-5)

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
Really?
Because I'm struggling to see it.

The Proud.
Pride will kill you every time, My Friend.

My feet are slipping as I watch the proud wear pride like a jeweled necklace, but beneath the jewels, they are clothed in cruelty. Sitting in their ivory towers, eating $13 a pint ice cream out of $24,000 refrigerators while the world is out of work, homes are being taken, churches aren't allowed to meet, hard-working business people aren't allowed to work, and lives are ebbing away.

They have everything their hearts could wish for (vs. 6), and in their pride, they seek to crush others. (vs. 8)

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
Really?
Because I am confused.

I am confused about how people can fall prey to their lying words. They lull the masses to sleep with their words until even the Christians say, "What does God know? Does the Most High even know what's happening?" (vs. 11) After all, God must turn a blind eye to the wickedness. Look at the prideful and the wicked! They are enjoying their life of ease while their riches multiply! (vs. 12)

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
Really?
Because now, I find myself questioning.

Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
What good has it done me to live a decent, honest, respectable life? (vs. 13)
The hours I've spent in prayer.
The time spent in the Word.
The decades I've spent worshipping at my piano.
The time I've spent serving the church both in life and online.
The years I’ve helped and ministered and counseled and loved and supported.
The active testimony for the Lord, both public and private.

I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain both in my heart, in my mind, and in my body. (vs. 14) All I've gotten for it has been a daily dose of suffering and punishment.

I am wondering if the life of faith was worth the cost.

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
Really?
Father, I need Your clarity and to hear Your voice.

I've kept this all to myself for months and years lest I should offend or cause another to stumble. (vs. 15)
Still, why do the wicked prosper?
Father, I am trying to understand.
Why does it seem You turn a blind eye?
Why do they seem to have all the riches, while Your people are losing everything?
Why do their words continue to sway even the strongest in the body of Christ?

I am trying to understand, Father, but it is hard, and I need Your clarity. (vs. 16)

And I am sad.
And angry.
Is God really good to those whose hearts are pure? (Psalm 73:1)
He must be or else His Word is a lie.

And so, I dried my tears, and I went into His dwelling place. I turned my gaze from staring into the Outer Court; to the people with murmuring, and complaining voices; all the noise and chaos, and I went into the Secret Place.

Into the Most Holy Place, where I could see with Your eyes.
Into the Most Holy Place, where I could see what You see and feel what You feel. (vs. 17)

And I was no longer sad.
I was no longer angry.
I saw it all clearly.

I finally understand the destiny of the wicked. Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction. In an instant, they are destroyed, completely swept away by terrors. They are to me like a dream when one awakes in the morning-the things that disturbed the dreamer are seen to be nothing but phantoms. (vs. 18-20)

When will this happen?
Only You know.
In my lifetime? In my son's lifetime?
You are God, and I trust in Your Word.

And I am undone.
I realize my heart was bitter.
I realize I've been all torn up inside.
I realize I've been so foolish, and I've been so ignorant. (vs. 21-22)

Forgive Me.

No matter what happens to the wicked or when it happens.
No matter what they say.
No matter the fear they try to keep us bound in.
No matter the lies.
No matter the hatred.
No matter the destruction.
No matter the voices of division.
No matter the prideful and arrogant.

I will belong to You.
For You are good and You are God.

Thank you, Father, for not treating me according to my feelings and the doubts that momentarily plagued my heart. Thank You, instead, for leading me and counseling me. As you lead me, you take me by the right hand, which means you must be standing on my right side, a place of protection, and safety. Under the shadow of Your wings, I will stay. (vs. 23)

I will renew my mind with Your counsel because Your counsel is what guides me.
Not the polls,
not the news,
not the Facebook feed,
not my neighbor's opinion,
not a governor’s lack of leadership,
not a Presidents policies,
or the government's stimulus . . .

YOUR COUNSEL will lead me to a glorious destiny. (vs. 24)

And I no longer feel angry.
I am at peace.

God really is good to those whose hearts are pure. (vs. 1)

Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.

Father, all I have is you. If I go up to heaven, you are there. If I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. (Psalm 139:8-10)

My health is failing.
My spirit is growing weak.
My body feels like it is giving up.
My hope is almost gone.

BUT . . .

God remains the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (vs.26)
Lord, where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life. (John 6:68)

I am confident that the wicked who have deserted You will perish. And honestly, Lord. That has nothing to do with me. That is between You and them. If they abandon You, that is on them, and the repercussions that come with that are in Your hand.

I can only be responsible for my son and the family you have lent to me. And as for me . . . in Your Presence where all is clear, and there is no confusion, I can say . . .

How good it is to be in Your presence.
This is where I must stay . . . always.
Because You are good.
You are good to those with a pure heart.

You are a shelter for me. You are my hiding place. And as far as I am concerned, I want to be as near to You as possible. I have committed myself to You for protection, and I will continue to declare Your good and wonderful works to anyone who will listen.