Fun and Practical Ways to Speak the Five Love Languages.
Update February 5, 2018
By now, you’ve probably heard of Gary Chapman’s transformative book, The Five Love Languages. If you’ve read it, fantastic! If not, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s truly a game-changer—a tool that can revolutionize your relationships.
Whether you’re single, married, dating, raising kids, cultivating friendships, leading a team, or collaborating with coworkers, The Five Love Languages provides invaluable insights for building healthier, more meaningful connections.
The premise is simple yet profound: we all feel loved in different ways. Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all package. Gary Chapman suggests that many relational struggles stem from this fundamental truth: we’re often speaking different “love languages.”
Here are the Five Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
This post isn’t meant to replace the book—there’s so much wisdom and inspiration in The Five Love Languages that you’ll want to explore for yourself. Instead, I hope to offer practical examples of how to speak these love languages, helping you show love in ways that resonate deeply with the people in your life.
WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?
You can find your love language by taking the quiz HERE.
The Five Love Languages are NOT just for people in relationships. Mr. Chapman has a book for singles, a book designed for men, a book about the love languages of children, and a book about the love languages of Teenagers.
You can find the entire collection of books HERE.
WHAT DO THEY MEAN?
The five ways we feel love each manifest differently. Each one requires practice to be able to speak fluently.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Download your Free EBOOK at the end of this post!
Words of Affirmation use language to express love and build others up. This is my primary love language, and let me tell you, it fills my heart to overflowing. My son running up to me with a big smile and saying, “You’re the best Momma,” makes my day. And when my husband compliments dinner and tells me I’m a great cook, it’s like he’s depositing into my “love tank.” (You really need to read the book to catch the full meaning of that!)
If someone you love speaks the love language of Words of Affirmation, here’s what they need:
Compliments – Genuine, specific praise for who they are or what they’ve done.
Affirmations – Reassuring words that express love and appreciation.
Kind Words – Gentle, thoughtful expressions of care.
Encouragement – Uplifting words that inspire and motivate them.
Appreciation – Acknowledgment of their efforts and contributions.
A Listening Ear – Being fully present and engaged in what they share.
Here’s what they don’t need:
Assumptions – Don’t assume they already know how loved, valued, or appreciated they are.
Non-constructive Criticism – Avoid criticism that isn’t aimed at growth or offered with love.
Overlooking Their Efforts – Failing to notice or acknowledge what they’ve done can feel like rejection.
Harsh Words – Negative or emotionally cutting words hurt deeply and can linger for a long time.
When you intentionally speak Words of Affirmation, you’re telling your loved one, “I see you, I value you, and I cherish who you are.”That simple act can transform your relationship and fill their love tank in a way that’s uniquely meaningful.
QUALITY TIME
Download your FREE EBOOK at the end of this post!
Quality Time is all about giving your loved one your undivided attention. If this is their primary love language, they crave intentional moments where you’re fully present—phone down, distractions aside. They want to connect through meaningful conversation, shared experiences, and simply being together. Whether it’s sitting face-to-face and talking or trying something new together, your focused presence says, “You matter to me.”
If someone you love speaks the language of Quality Time, here’s what they need:
Uninterrupted and Focused Conversations – Listening deeply and responding thoughtfully without distractions.
One-on-One Time – Moments where they have your full attention, just the two of you.
Shared Time, Even for Small Things – Running errands, taking a walk, or doing everyday activities together can be deeply meaningful.
Face-to-Face Interaction – Eye contact and engaged conversation make them feel seen and valued.
Your Whole Attention – Your time & focus is a gift.
Here’s what they don’t need:
Long Periods Apart – Extended time without connection can leave their love tank running low.
Distracted Conversations – Half-hearted listening or multitasking during your time together can feel dismissive.
Prioritizing Time with Others Over Them – Consistently choosing others over them may signal they’re not a priority.
A Lack of One-on-One Time – Neglecting to carve out moments for just the two of you can feel like rejection.
By speaking this love language, you communicate, “I treasure you, and I love spending time with you.” It’s not about the activity itself—it’s about the connection you create in those moments.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Download your FREE EBOOK at the end of this post.
Many assume physical touch is all about intimacy or sex, but for those who speak this love language, it’s often the little gestures that matter most—a hug, a pat on the back, or holding hands can all say “I love you” in powerful ways.
If someone you love speaks the language of Physical Touch, here’s what they need:
Non-Verbal Gestures – A warm hug, a reassuring hand on their shoulder, or a gentle touch to emphasize your love.
Non-Sexual Touch – Simple, meaningful touches that convey care and affection, like holding hands or a friendly back rub.
Consistency – Frequent hugs, cuddles, or small gestures that reinforce your presence and love.
Here’s what they don’t need:
Long Periods Without Physical Connection – Extended time without touch can feel isolating or neglectful.
Physical Neglect – Forgetting to offer even small gestures like a hug or pat on the back can feel like emotional distance.
Cold or Obligatory Affection – Affection given without warmth or intention can feel insincere and even hurtful.
Any Form of Physical Abuse – This is a betrayal of trust and love, causing deep emotional and relational harm.
Speaking the language of Physical Touch says, “I’m here, I care, and I’m holding you close—literally and emotionally.” These small but intentional gestures can strengthen bonds in profound ways.
RECEIVING GIFTS
Download your FREE EBOOK at the end of this post.
For some people, receiving a gift makes them feel most loved. For others, giving gifts is how they show their love.
If your loved one’s love language is Receiving Gifts, here’s what they need:
Thoughtfulness – The time and effort you put into the gift means more than the gift itself.
Prioritization – Gifts that show you’ve made them a priority in your life.
Celebrating Special Occasions – Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, or other meaningful moments with a thoughtful token of love.
Here’s what they don’t need:
Forgetting Special Occasions – Missing important dates can make them feel unimportant or overlooked.
Unenthusiastic Gift-Giving – Gifts given out of obligation or without care can feel hollow and meaningless.
Materialism – It’s not about the price tag. A single rose, a handwritten note, or a small token with personal meaning can mean everything to someone who receives love through gifts.
When you take the time to choose or create a gift with love and intention, you’re saying, “I see you, I know you, and I want you to feel treasured.”
ACTS OF SERVICE
Download your FREE EBOOK at the end of this post.
If your loved one speaks the language of Acts of Service, your actions truly speak louder than your words. For them, love is shown through thoughtful, intentional efforts to make their life easier or lighten their load.
Although Acts of Service isn’t my primary love language, my husband speaks it beautifully. When I’m sick, he steps in without hesitation—cooking meals, taking care of Asher, and doing everything he can to help me rest. On nights when I’m working late, he’s always checking in to see if I need anything, bringing me drinks or snacks, and making sure I feel supported. He shows me so much love through this language, and I absolutely adore him for it.
If your loved one’s love language is Acts of Service, here’s what they need:
Help with Chores – Taking initiative with daily tasks like cleaning, cooking, or errands.
Ongoing Support – Being a dependable partner who shares the workload consistently.
Thoughtful Efforts – Going out of your way to ease their burden or make their day brighter.
Reliability – Following through on what you say you’ll do.
Here’s what they don’t need:
Lack of Follow-Through – Failing to complete promised tasks can feel like broken trust.
Prioritizing Work Over Them – Making work or other commitments more important than their needs can feel neglectful.
Putting Others First – Consistently prioritizing someone else’s to-do list over theirs may make them feel unimportant.
Ignoring Requests for Help – Dismissing their needs can feel like a lack of care or love.
When you actively seek ways to serve and support someone whose love language is Acts of Service, you’re saying, “I’m here for you, and I want to make your life better.” These small, intentional actions can make a world of difference.
These are the basics of the Five Love Languages. Again, to really dig deeper into each of these languages and how they work, read Gary Chapman’s Book.
Steven and I speak the same love languages, and that is an absolute blessing. It is relatively easy to show love to each other; whether we do it or not on a regular basis is a different story! It is always something that we are working on; putting each other before ourselves.
I put together this beautiful e-book with some fun and practical ways to speak The Five Love Languages. Download it. Print it out. And learn to speak your loved one language fluently, often, and with great love! ❤️
