Five Ways to Encourage Your Husband Daily
It was January—the beginning of our first year of marriage—and I set a goal for myself: “This year, cultivate a life-giving marriage.”
To ensure I stayed focused on this vital goal, I outlined specific action steps—things I could do daily, weekly, and monthly to nurture our relationship. My desire was simple yet profound: to create a marriage that wasn’t just about surviving but thriving—a marriage that truly gave life to both Steven and me.
From the beginning, Steven and I were determined that our marriage would look different from the culture around us. We didn’t want our relationship to reflect the fleeting standards of the world; we wanted it to reflect the unchanging love of God. It was important to us that our marriage served as a reflection of how Christ loves His church—selflessly, sacrificially, and faithfully.
With that vision in mind, I embraced this goal with excitement and energy, ready to create something beautiful, something that felt like a fairytale. But as the months unfolded, I quickly learned that cultivating a life-giving marriage wasn’t about crafting a picture-perfect story. It was about intentionality, grace, and choosing love every single day.
When Life Happens: The Struggle to Cultivate a Life-Giving Marriage
Of course, you can see where this story is headed. Life happened—just as it does for all of us. Two months after Steven and I were married, my father passed away suddenly, leaving my mom widowed and alone. In the aftermath of this heartbreaking loss, Steven, my son, and I moved into her home so she wouldn’t have to face this new reality on her own.
And there we were: mourning my father, living with my mother, raising an eight-year-old, homeschooling, starting a new business, learning a new trade, and trying to figure out how to be newlyweds in the midst of it all. I was overwhelmed. Most days, I could barely get through the day, let alone focus on “cultivating a life-giving marriage.”
As the months went by, I fell into a seemingly endless cycle—a Groundhog Day of sorts. Every day felt the same: wake up, work, homeschool, eat, squeeze in exercise if possible, battle my depression and anxiety while trying not to let it affect anyone else, and then collapse into bed. Rinse and repeat.
In those dark days, I wasn’t necessarily unkind to my husband, but I also wasn’t intentional about showing him love. I wasn’t cultivating a life-giving marriage because I could barely manage to get through life. The excitement and determination I had felt in January to create a marriage that reflected God’s love were buried under the weight of grief, exhaustion, and survival mode.
I was a newlywed, but I certainly didn’t feel like one.
I made three MAJOR mistakes as a newlywed wife.
1. I let everyday life take over our love life. The to-do list became more important than a quick dance in the kitchen or a stolen kiss before work.
2. I took our love for granted. He loved me. I loved him. We had a whole life to cultivate a life-giving marriage. We’ll get to it when life slows down, I told myself.
3. I forgot to prioritize our marriage over life. If we were to cultivate this beautiful life together, we needed to spend time together. But our togetherness included just getting through the day. It did not include the love and romance of newlywed marriage.
Making a Change
Steven and I knew we needed to make a change in our marriage. Marriage is a partnership, and it thrives when both people give their all. We couldn’t keep letting life pull us in different directions, leaving our relationship on the back burner. If we wanted to grow closer and cultivate a life-giving marriage, we had to put our marriage first—above the chaos, the to-do lists, and even our own struggles.
For us, the heart of our marriage is this: it should be a reflection of Christ and His church. As John Piper beautifully explains, “Human marriage is the earthly image of [God’s divine plan]—that the husband and wife become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Our marriage is meant to reflect the love, sacrifice, and unity between Christ and His church, but we realized we had to ask ourselves:
• How do we make our marriage reflect Christ?
• How do we encourage each other daily when life is overwhelming?
• How do we prioritize each other in the middle of raising kids, working, and everything else on our plates?
For most of us, the challenge isn’t understanding why marriage matters—we know it’s important. The struggle is figuring out how to nurture it in the middle of life’s busyness.
One simple yet powerful way to start transforming your marriage is to focus on how you speak. Jesus said in Matthew 12:34, “For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
So ask yourself: What is in your heart for your husband?
Take a moment to think about it.
All those good and loving thoughts you feel for him—let’s start speaking them aloud.
By changing how we communicate, we can begin to cultivate a life-giving marriage, one word at a time.
Five Things to Tell Your Husband Every Day to Create a Life-Giving Marriage
Every marriage is unique because every husband and wife are different. But one thing is universal: words have incredible power. Over time, I’ve learned there are five things I can tell my husband every day to help cultivate a life-giving marriage.
1. I am Proud of You.
Most of us have heard of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Language. One of Steven’s primary love languages is Words of Affirmation. He feels loved and appreciated when he hears how I feel about him. But, as I’ve shared before, I’ve fallen short in showing him love in the way he needs most.
If your husband thrives on Words of Affirmation, take time each day to tell him you’re proud of him. When he comes home from work, listen to him share about his day, and then let him know how much you admire him. Say, “I’m proud to be your wife,” or “I’m so impressed by how hard you work.”
Don’t stop there. Brag about him to others—and let him hear it. Whether it’s his achievements, his character, or simply the way he shows up for your family, he needs to know that you take pleasure in who he is and what he does. Make it clear that no matter what, you’re right by his side.
2. I am Praying for You
I make it a point to tell Steven, “I’m praying for you.”
Your husband may face pressures and challenges you’ll never see, but knowing you’re lifting him up in prayer can be a powerful source of strength. Take time to let him know you’re praying for him, and don’t be afraid to ask what he needs prayer for. It’s a simple yet profound way to show love, support, and spiritual partnership in your marriage.
3. I am Listening.
Have you ever found yourself tuning out when your husband starts talking about something you have no interest in? Guilty! Just the other day, Steven was sharing his thoughts on metaphysics, theories of reality, and how they relate to our experiences. Honestly, he lost me at “metaphysics.”
About fifteen minutes into what felt like a college lecture, I realized I had been running through my mental to-do list instead of actually paying attention. That’s when I hit pause on my distractions and tuned in—not because I was suddenly fascinated by the topic, but because he was.
The point is, listen to him. Even if you don’t share his enthusiasm, show him that you care by being present in the conversation. Let him know, “I’m listening,” and then follow through. Your attention is a simple but meaningful way to show love and respect.
4. I Appreciate You.
Expressing appreciation to your husband is one of the simplest yet most impactful ways to strengthen your marriage. Life gets busy, and it’s easy to take the things he does—big and small—for granted. But telling him, “I appreciate you,” reminds him that his efforts don’t go unnoticed. Whether it’s how hard he works to provide for your family, the way he handles stressful situations, or the little things like taking out the trash or fixing something around the house, letting him know you see and value what he does makes all the difference. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, and I’m grateful for who you are and what you bring to our life together.”
Appreciation doesn’t have to be elaborate—it’s about intentionality. Take a moment to thank him for something specific, like the way he made you laugh on a hard day or how he stepped in to help when you were overwhelmed. Share your gratitude in words, whether it’s a quick text during the day or a heartfelt comment at dinner. These small gestures can build him up and remind him of the important role he plays in your life. When a man feels appreciated, he’s encouraged to keep giving his best, and your marriage grows stronger as a result.
5. I Want You. I Need You.
Your husband longs to hear that you not only want him but also need him. It’s more than just a physical desire—though that certainly matters—it’s about letting him know that he’s an essential part of your life. Tell him you want him by your side, that his presence, love, and support make your life better. Steven once said to me, “I not only want you as my wife, but I need you as my wife.” Those words melted my heart and reminded me how deeply this desire for connection runs in a man’s soul.
Your husband needs the reassurance that he’s valued and irreplaceable. He once told me, “Just thinking that you wouldn’t need me anymore for love, comfort, or even fun would break my heart. A man needs to be needed, and a man wants to be wanted.” Those words stuck with me. When you let your husband know that you need him for more than practical help—that you need his love, companionship, and partnership—it builds him up and strengthens your bond. It’s a simple but profound way to show him that he’s cherished and irreplaceable in your life.
Simple Ways to Show Love.
Every couple is different, but these are five things my husband loves to hear every day—and maybe yours will too. What I’ve learned is that when I intentionally focus on showing Steven how much I love and value him, it’s not that difficult to do, even in the middle of our busy lives.
Here are some simple tips to help you weave these affirmations into your daily routine:
Write reminders in your planner.
Yes, it may seem unromantic, but if you’re someone who lives by your planner, it’s an effective tool! I started writing reminders to tell Steven these things each day, and it’s helped me stay consistent.
Send a random text message.
A quick text can go a long way. Let your husband know you appreciate, are proud of, need, or want him. It’s a small effort with a big impact.
Leave little notes.
Stick a post-it with a sweet message on the steering wheel of his car, or hide notes in creative places like his wallet, lunch bag, or even his shoes. These small surprises can brighten his day and remind him how much you care.
Pray with intention.
Before bed, ask your husband how you can pray for him. In the morning, take a moment to tell him how much you appreciate him and that you’re praying for him throughout the day.
Engage at dinner.
Over dinner, ask him to share a story about his day. When he talks, give him your full attention—listen, engage, and show interest in what matters to him.
Our lives are still as crazy as they were at the start of this year. Not much has changed regarding the day-to-day, but I am happy to say that our marriage is stronger, and our love for each other is more vibrant and alive because we are taking the time, putting each other first, and finally cultivating a life-giving marriage.
